Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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