Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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