It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
