Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
honey bunches of taint.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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