Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
