I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
