you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
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