I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
