just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
