PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
