Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
This is classic penis vs brain.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
