omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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