Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
