I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
