if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
