I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
