Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just forgot I was standing up.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
