Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
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