Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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