saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
