I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
