Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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