Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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