I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
