It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
