I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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