This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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