i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
