this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
