I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
