k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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