That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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