just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Just pee around me
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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