There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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