Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
