She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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