Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
