break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
