I just threw up on my dentist
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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