I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
