I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
