it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
