We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Randomize
