I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
