well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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