OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
