He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
