the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
