just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
