literally had 100 drinks last night.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
