It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
