tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
