when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
