just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
