i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
